4 words: hood of his car
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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