An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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