Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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