he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
