I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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