the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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