there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
soo... how was my night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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