that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
