I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
