girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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