i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
