I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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