have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
