I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
