all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
