Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
