your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
