she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
