dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
