after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
