I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize