dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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