you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The Olympian is in my bed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
