honey bunches of taint.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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