god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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