Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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