Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
