Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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