I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
