Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Alive.
So much puke
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
