If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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