Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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