The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
