McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
