hotel room ftw
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
