Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
