she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
