first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
