It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
