i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize