i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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