yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
