So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
