So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
