There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
