You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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