My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
