a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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