u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
