so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
