I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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