I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
