my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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