I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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