Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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