You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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