she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
