You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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