but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
