I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
