drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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