WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
