I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
