Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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