I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
