My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
