but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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