I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
