Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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