She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
