I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
