He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
